by Chris Biek, LLMSW
Behavioral Health Specialist
The story you write of your life with each other is what will keep you alive in the hearts of others.
Grief is about loss, loss of another and loss of self. As we find people, places, and creatures that we endear to our hearts to, it is inevitable we will also feel joy and pain. The loss we feel is more than just physical, it is emotional and spiritual, it is a loss of self. We are not individuals on our own navigating this world, we are interconnected through experiences, laughter, and heartache. When we lose someone, a pet, or a home we knew well, we lose a piece of ourselves and the pain of loss can be unbearable.
It is important that we take time to mourn in our own way and in our own time. Grief has no time limit and oftentimes can last a lifetime. There is no pain that outweighs another, we all feel grief in relative terms, meaning, a minor loss to one person may be a devastating loss to another. We can never know what another is feeling and how grief is affecting them, only that it is and we want to be aware of their pain. Simply listening and showing that you are present can be enough to help someone process their grief. By listening to another, you are allowing them to release pent up emotional energy, helping them to transform their pain into something that might someday comfort them.
Healthy grief can transform over time and become, stories, laughter, and sometimes tears. Those stories live on in our hearts, keeping those memories alive within our hearts, allowing the ones we love to become immortal. The journey toward healthy grief is not easy, nor is it particularly kind, but it helps us to grow and learn. There may be days when you feel the weight of grief is too much, weighing you down, keeping you from the sunlight. Other days you might find it to be irritating and poking at a hot fire of anger within. All of your feelings are okay, they are yours and you are allowed to feel them, contrary to social beliefs. Only by experiencing these emotions and feelings can we reach for happiness and feelings of being content in our lives.
Like those who celebrate Día de los Muertos, we must keep those memories alive, so they may live in the land of the remembered. If you can weave the threads of loss and pain through the tapestry of life and joy, someday you will step back and see a lifetime of stories and legacies. If you are unable to move forward in grief you may find yourself missing the good parts of life, leaving your tapestry monochromatic, instead of the brilliant rainbow it should be.
As the seasons change and we prepare to shift our own gears, let us not forget the moments we have shared, the laughter, and the frustration. Keep close what is important to you, let that become a part of your bigger story. Take time to grieve, but don’t forget to live….